Can my boyfriend be 18 and in college yet? Too many struggles.

I wish I had a copy of The Fault in Our Stars so on bad days I could just read my favorite parts and smile.

Tonight.
I can’t do it.
Tonight.
I can’t hold myself together.

It’s nights like this one.
I just cry.
It’s nights like this one.
Nothing can help.
It’s nights like this one.
I miss your hugs more than anything.

It’s been too long.
I long for them.
It’s been too long.
The feeling of your warm arms wrapped around me.
It’s been too long.
I know I would still get the same rush.

Tonight.
I miss you.
It’s night like this one.
I miss your hugs.
It’s been too long.
I want to change that.

Okay, you know exactly what I want.

I hate when people assume they know what someone is thinking or how they’re feeling.

I say one small comment to my sister and she assumes I am mad and that I don’t want to talk to her. Okay? Yeah, that sounds very logical.

The ones who do this most often are boys. It really pisses me the fuck off. Just because I am a girl doesn’t mean I want to be in a committed relationship where you say “I love you” every 10 seconds. I just want someone to come over and watch Disney movies and cuddle with. Someone I can call up and fool around with and then see them the next day and act like nothing even happened and just act friendly. I mean, it would be nice if that person wasn’t with 10 other people, but I would’t need a label. 

I just want one person. One person to ask me what I want before assuming something else. It would be nice to actually say what I want.

I almost miss formspring…

I actually really enjoyed answering random questions.

"Life is just filled with stuff you want but can’t have, and stuff you have but don’t want."

Valentines Day

Valentine’s Day brings up a lot of dissucions. Most single women and men complain about being single and not having anyone. Couples make a big deal about it. All in all, valentines day is kind of annoying.

Now… I’m not knocking the holiday, under certain circumstances it’s fun.

The thing about it is that to a single person being alone on Valentine’s Day is like being the only Jew in a room on December 25th.

Last year was the first year I had a Valentine, and I mean it made for a good time. But now, as the day gets closer and closer I’m actually getting anxiety about it… Which is ridiculous. I shouldn’t get stressed over a Hallmark Holiday. Or, should I?

I mean I know I will have my best friend as my Valentine, but I want a guy.

I want someone to bring me flowers for the first time since my freshman year. I want to go see a romantic movie. I want to hold someones hand. I want to get that special someone a silly cute gift. I want to get a box of chocolates. I want a Valentine. A real Valentine.

Hmmph

"I’m scared my friends talk about me behind my back."

Zebras are from the safari, not the jungle.

Yesterday, October 15th, was homecoming. The whole ritual acts of booty dancing in a pile and awkward first homecoming dates were in full effect.

My homecoming was simply awful.

When my friend who i was going with stopped by to take pictures we did the exchanging of the buttinere and corsage. I poked myself, put his buttinere on backwards, and broke my corsage.

My friend had to work that morning and so did I, so we were late to the pre-party and missed group pictures.

One of the few good parts of the night was the fact that we got to the school early enough that we didn’t have to wait in a line that could wrap around the world.

As I get trough the line and check my shoes and bag I watch as the other attendees trickle in. The theme of the dance was “Welcome to the Jungle” so some people were wearing cheetah print to fit the theme. But then came the dumb-asses who wore zebra print. Like I just wanted to grab them and tell them that zebras are from the safari. Stupid girls and boys.

So we’re at the dance and everything was going alright. We’re dancing, having fun, and jamming out. Then I got a headache, but I stuck through it and continued to dance.

Then came the first slow song.

I wanted to dance with the guy I like but I danced with the friend I went with instead. I mean technically he was my date and there would be other slow songs.

Everyone kept on dancing and then my friend brought to my attention my ex and the new girl he’s with. I wanted to puke. They were practically have sex on the dance floor. Everybody was at least 2 feet away from them. They left at 9, which gave everyone a much much much more comfortable last 2 hours of the dance. Soooooooooo glad I’m not with that guy anymore.

We’re dancing again and then some guy sideswiped me and didn’t even apologize! What the hell?!

Then came the next slow song… I danced with my friend again. He was looking straight at me and I avoided his gaze. After the song was done he informs me that he likes me. Once again, what the hell?! I told him that my ex was my friend before our relationship and now I can’t even talk to him. I said relationships mess things up and I want to be his friend. I could tell I hurt him. It was awful.

Then my night got better. I look around the dance floor and my crush meets my gaze. He stops dancing with the pretty girl he was dancing with and came over and danced with me. It was fantastic. He danced with me for 3 dances and we talked. I learned that he’s he perfect guy for me. He likes Titanic. I’m going to marry him.

Then the dance was over. I got my shoes and y friends and we headed to my car. I opened my car and went to my glove box to get m camera to take an end of the night photo. My camera was gone and we realized that things were greatly moved around in my car. Some asshole broke into my car.

This homecoming was horrible. Except for the 3 dances. That’s all.